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How Many Tandas?

June 16, 2013

Half a tanda or 10? When do you leave a tanda, and for how many do you stay?

The latest from guest writer Tanguera Escondida.

One of my worst experiences in tango happened recently. I was sitting along the wall at a popular milonga when a dignified-looking man approached, wearing a pin-striped suit and button-up shirt, his graying hair nicely coiffed. He came up to me and asked me to dance with a certain degree of confidence, so I said “yes.” I love dancing, and I love meeting new people, so might as well give this new leader a try.

We danced a couple songs that I thought were mediocre…something lacked in our connection….but the experience was definitely not bad. It can take time to get used to the embrace and lead of a new person, so I gave our dances a grain of salt. After the second song, he severed the embrace, stepped back and said, “Thank you.” I was taken aback. Were the first two songs mediocre to me, but absolutely horrible to him? Plus, we were in the far, far corner of the dance floor, kitty-corner to where he asked me to dance. He offered me his arm, and led me diagonally, THROUGH the dance floor, past couple after couple, back to my seat. My cheeks burned and my walk faltered. I felt confidence ooze away from me. I’d never, ever had a man cut off a tanda with me before, and I felt humiliated and awful. My dances the rest of the night were wobbly and off.

Photo by Evelyn Lu
Tanguera Escondida asks, how many tandas should one dance? Photo by Evelyn Lu

Later, I learned that this leader in particular does this to many followers, and is all around not a nice person, making beginners feel bad, saying rude things, cutting off tandas regularly, etc. Even though I understand this intellectually, the experience still emotionally burns.

On the flip side, my partner, Klondike, had one of his best experiences at this same milonga. It was a night I wasn’t out, and he told me later he danced for an hour, tanda after tanda, with a woman visiting from Europe. I felt a little funny about that, wondering if that many tandas indicated romance. He assured me that, no, he just wanted to take advantage of someone visiting from a foreign place who he might not have the luxury of meeting again any time soon.

These two experiences have led me to wonder: When do you cut off a tanda, and how long do you stay?

I cut off a tanda with a leader one time, at a festival in Portland. He clearly had never danced tango before, and in a crowded, moving dance floor, I felt afraid for my safety. I politely told him “thank you” after the first song, and muttered something about having to go to the bathroom. I felt bad about it the rest of the night. I’ve felt compelled to cut off other tandas as well, but something keeps me from doing that, even if the person is a complete beginner and the dances aren’t particularly enjoyable for me. I tell myself that people have to cut their teeth somewhere, and that maybe someday, they will be better, and that they will remember me as a decent person. Maybe, when they are better, they will ask me again.

Then, there are the times when I have a lovely dance and I want to stay for another tanda, but wasn’t quite sure how to go about it or whether it was appropriate. I asked Klondike for advice. He said when he asks a woman for tanda after tanda, a lot of it has to do with her body language. Does she linger on the dance floor, looking at him and talking, or does she immediately say “thank you”, and turn away? If she seems interested, he asks her for another. I didn’t know how I felt about this before, thinking tango was meant for one tanda. One experience. Nine minutes. Move on. No leader and no follower should hog one another for dance after dance. However, my views on this have slowly evolved.

I now practice the body language that Klondike suggested. Since then, I danced three tandas with one of my favorite leaders, and have danced two several times as well. But how long is too long? How many is too many?

I do remember seeing a woman who barely comes out, dancing song after song after song with the same leader. I wondered what their story was, were they lovers, did the man have a crush on her or her on him? My mind was alight with ideas and stories and questions. I don’t want people to think the same thing about me because I dance more than one tanda with a leader. Or should I just not care what others think, knowing that only I can know what’s in my heart?

I do know this: In tango, I do not want to hurt a leader’s feelings. If I have to bow out of a tanda, I will try to do so gracefully, and with restraint, only if my safely feels at risk, or if I can tell the person is a sleaze. If I want to stay for another, I will linger and be friendly, but ultimately leave the decision up to a leader.

I also know this: I will never dance with that “dignified-looking” gray-haired man again. I know he does not recognize me. He doesn’t know how much he humiliated me. He has no idea the havoc he wreaks in followers’ lives. I’ve seen him watching me on the dance floor at milongas. And recently, he actually asked me again to dance. I wanted to say, “Not on your life, you sleaze ball scumbag.” But instead I smiled gently, and said “No, thanks.” Never, ever again.

~ T.E.

What are your thoughts on tandas? When should we dance only one and when should we dance more?  When is it correct to cut a tanda short?  Comments have been enabled – so please share your thoughts below.

 

Disclaimer:The views, opinions and positions expressed within these guest posts are those of the author alone and do not represent those of SF Loves Tango. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The copyright of this content belongs to the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with them.

Filed Under: Guest Post Tagged With: Argentine Tango, Milongas, San Francisco Tango, Tandas, Tango dancing, Tanguera Escondida

Comments

  1. SB says

    June 16, 2013 at 9:14 pm

    For me, the second tanda is initiated if there’s a sense that the first went exceptionally well–that we’re really connecting, in a groove, and want to keep it going. This also usually only happens with partners I dance with on a regular basis, but I’ve sometimes done a second or more with someone new who surprised me with great dance chemistry.

    I know of one leader who likes to dance with only one, maybe two, followers, in a given night. I’m not sure to what extent romantic interest was involved, but his stated reasoning was that it takes him at least two tandas just to get really well connected, and he’d rather focus on that one connection for an hour or more than start over again with someone else.

  2. jose orellana says

    June 30, 2013 at 1:56 pm

    I have never been comfortable with the concept of a dance being evaluated in terms of romance. And I say this after falling in love three times with dance partners in the last twelve years. I am now married to one of them. Naturally the intimacy and pure joy of dancing can create an intoxicating brew. But I would not marry a woman solely on the basis of how well we dance together. Rather it is what I learn about her in the process that engages me. Frankly, most of my best tandas have been with women I have no desire to marry. While being married to a woman who is also a very pleasurable dance partner is really a bonus. I don’t like the constraint of a tanda on a more fundamental basis. Partners who like each others dance quality need not apologize for continuing more than one tanda. I do think that in the interest of sociability though, successive tandas works against the higher purposes of a milonga. So I would rather return to a favorite partner frequently, allowing her to circulate more naturally, or just make a date for an evening of dinner then exclusive dancing if romance enters the mix. I have never broken tanda, except in the case when my wedding song is played. In those casess I explain the situation to my partner begging her understanding then I stay with her until the next song and resume with genuine regret for breaking and sincere extra appreciation for her indulgence. There are times when I want to break tanda but I just don’t. And I have never had a lady excuse herself. I have been turned down twice in twelve years, hut those instances were my fault for not asking in the right way and at the right time. If I sense that a partner wants to stay with me longer than I prefer or if the protocols of Milonga vs Practica are not known I indicate my preference ahead of time. DJs that play 4 or 5 songs or extra long sets or songs iritate me, even if I love my partner. If, however they provide a very thoughtful and supportive mix through the night, then I always thank them and tell everyone I know.
    Cabeceos are another tricky topic. I struggle with the tradition of the tanda and cabeceo, being a married guy not looking for romance. These traditions were born in an era and culture where nuance was better understood, hut I embrace them to preserve Tango.
    I firmly believe that it is the responsibility of teachers to mention the coutesies of Tango and milongas at the end of every class, and the resposibility of dancers of any level to attend classes on a regular basis. The situation of bad tandas might become moot if people invested more time to learning to dance well. Ladies who I see in class regularly get my support and extra dances. And, seriously guys, are you doing anything to improve?
    So how many Tandas? Go back to class and make it moot. You owe it to our community to give more then you take.

    • maika says

      June 30, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Thank you. Well said. It’s great to hear a guys point of view on these subjects.

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✨ Vecher Tango at the Russian Center had another ✨ Vecher Tango at the Russian Center had another star-struck night!✨

@ariadnayfernando returned to San Francisco after their last visit in 2016 for @noras_tango_week.

On top of teaching all afternoon and performing four songs of their choice, they surprised us with an improvised encore to live music by Seth Asarnow (@sethasarnow on piano) and Adrian Jost (@fueyequerido on bandoneón), a first-time collaboration for the four artists altogether!! 👏👏♥️♥️🙌🙌 ¡Qué celebración del Tango!

Thank you Julia Schiptsova @juliasch999 and Davood Yazdani for bringing @ariadnanaveira and @fernet_sanz back to SF! We look forward to welcoming them back later this year in Thanksgiving. Stay tuned for details.

Check out our stories for video snippets from the amazing evening!
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That Saturday night ❤️‍🔥 when Duo Villarr That Saturday night ❤️‍🔥 when Duo Villarreal Crom, @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom joined forces with Orquesta Típico Domo at @thetangodome !🎶🎻🎸🎹🎤
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REPOSTING… because how could one resist missing REPOSTING… because how could one resist missing the standing ovation *and* an encore because earlier post got cut off due to unknown glitch🙈… Second half of part 1️⃣ the highlights from an amazing night at @thetangodome with Duo 🎸🎸 @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom ! And our very own @scottodaymusic made it a guitar trio for the encore! 
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Part 2️⃣ from a fun Saturday night at @thetang Part 2️⃣ from a fun Saturday night at @thetangodome with Duo Villarreal Crom, featuring Tango Guitarists @juanvillarreal_13 and… Señor D'ARIENZO?! 👀🤨 Can you guess what was happening here? 😆😉
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Part 1️⃣ of the highlights from an amazing nig Part 1️⃣ of the highlights from an amazing night at @thetangodome with Duo Villarreal Crom, featuring Tango Guitarists @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom ! 💎 watch till the end to see SF’s very own guitarist @scottodaymusic joined them for an encore!

🎸ABOUT THE ARTISTS🎸
Juan Villarreal and Patricio Crom began working together in 2010 playing tangos in milongas and clubs in the city of Buenos Aires. From the beginning, the Duo Villarreal-Crom, tried to find a particular aesthetic and a unique style that they have refined with the passing of the years.

Today they are one of the most renowned duos on the tango scene in Buenos Aires and the world, having made countless tours in Latin America, Europe and the United States.

They have released 4 albums: "De corte romántico (2012)", "Cinco tonos (2015)", "En la luna de Valencia (2017)" and "D'Arienzo en guitarras (2022)". In May 2023 they will present their new album consisting entirely of original works.  In 2022, they were on the cover of the renowned German magazine "Tangodanza", the world's largest tango magazine.
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Did you know that the very first post on SF Loves Tango was published by @maikalanidesigns on 𝗔𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗹 𝟮𝟬, 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟮? And April 21, 2019, is when the brains and hands behind SF Loves Tango changed to us, @jxtango ? We would like to celebrate these anniversaries by recapping what we’ve accomplished post-COVID and start looking ahead!
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👋 Many of you know @aviksbasu and Mitra Martin 👋 Many of you know @aviksbasu and Mitra Martin as accomplished tango dancers and teachers. But did you know they are also professional researchers with curiosity and interest to understand tango better?

Check out this cool new research project they are working on: the 𝗧𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗼 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗲𝘆! (link in bio 🔗)

⏳ It takes about 20-30 minutes to answer some intriguing (anonymous) questions about what you experience as you dance - mental talk, images, sensations, etc.

🎯 Fill it out today and help them reach their goal of 1000 participants by April 30th! They’ll gather neat data to create more empathy and understanding and help the community grow.
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✨SATURDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨ Che! Milonga is a con ✨SATURDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨

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Tucked away among storage and industrial spaces for local businesses, La Pista is a dedicated tango studio frequently used for classes and workshops. With lighting, seating, wall projection, and table decoration arrangements, our beloved hosts, Ramada and @tanguera_e , put thoughtful touches that give the space a nightclub ambiance.

Check out our February story drop featuring @che_tango_sf (sflovestango.com/che-tango-sf/) and tomorrow, Saturday, April 8, is your chance to dance at their Che Milonga with DJ @kostas_aretos ! 

📸 from Che Milonga on Saturday, April 1st with DJ @ayano.yoneda.tango 
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❤️ 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩 ❤️
Women's History Month is almost over, but celebrating the impact of women is today and every day! 

Remember the Women's Gathering hosted by @ayano.yoneda.tango in the beginning of this year? Are you curious about the 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 and 𝙬𝙝𝙮 behind these events? 
"𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 – 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳-𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 – 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴, 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳." – Ayano Yoneda

More in our latest story drop (🔗 link in bio)!
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