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How Many Tandas?

June 16, 2013

Half a tanda or 10? When do you leave a tanda, and for how many do you stay?

The latest from guest writer Tanguera Escondida.

One of my worst experiences in tango happened recently. I was sitting along the wall at a popular milonga when a dignified-looking man approached, wearing a pin-striped suit and button-up shirt, his graying hair nicely coiffed. He came up to me and asked me to dance with a certain degree of confidence, so I said “yes.” I love dancing, and I love meeting new people, so might as well give this new leader a try.

We danced a couple songs that I thought were mediocre…something lacked in our connection….but the experience was definitely not bad. It can take time to get used to the embrace and lead of a new person, so I gave our dances a grain of salt. After the second song, he severed the embrace, stepped back and said, “Thank you.” I was taken aback. Were the first two songs mediocre to me, but absolutely horrible to him? Plus, we were in the far, far corner of the dance floor, kitty-corner to where he asked me to dance. He offered me his arm, and led me diagonally, THROUGH the dance floor, past couple after couple, back to my seat. My cheeks burned and my walk faltered. I felt confidence ooze away from me. I’d never, ever had a man cut off a tanda with me before, and I felt humiliated and awful. My dances the rest of the night were wobbly and off.

Photo by Evelyn Lu
Tanguera Escondida asks, how many tandas should one dance? Photo by Evelyn Lu

Later, I learned that this leader in particular does this to many followers, and is all around not a nice person, making beginners feel bad, saying rude things, cutting off tandas regularly, etc. Even though I understand this intellectually, the experience still emotionally burns.

On the flip side, my partner, Klondike, had one of his best experiences at this same milonga. It was a night I wasn’t out, and he told me later he danced for an hour, tanda after tanda, with a woman visiting from Europe. I felt a little funny about that, wondering if that many tandas indicated romance. He assured me that, no, he just wanted to take advantage of someone visiting from a foreign place who he might not have the luxury of meeting again any time soon.

These two experiences have led me to wonder: When do you cut off a tanda, and how long do you stay?

I cut off a tanda with a leader one time, at a festival in Portland. He clearly had never danced tango before, and in a crowded, moving dance floor, I felt afraid for my safety. I politely told him “thank you” after the first song, and muttered something about having to go to the bathroom. I felt bad about it the rest of the night. I’ve felt compelled to cut off other tandas as well, but something keeps me from doing that, even if the person is a complete beginner and the dances aren’t particularly enjoyable for me. I tell myself that people have to cut their teeth somewhere, and that maybe someday, they will be better, and that they will remember me as a decent person. Maybe, when they are better, they will ask me again.

Then, there are the times when I have a lovely dance and I want to stay for another tanda, but wasn’t quite sure how to go about it or whether it was appropriate. I asked Klondike for advice. He said when he asks a woman for tanda after tanda, a lot of it has to do with her body language. Does she linger on the dance floor, looking at him and talking, or does she immediately say “thank you”, and turn away? If she seems interested, he asks her for another. I didn’t know how I felt about this before, thinking tango was meant for one tanda. One experience. Nine minutes. Move on. No leader and no follower should hog one another for dance after dance. However, my views on this have slowly evolved.

I now practice the body language that Klondike suggested. Since then, I danced three tandas with one of my favorite leaders, and have danced two several times as well. But how long is too long? How many is too many?

I do remember seeing a woman who barely comes out, dancing song after song after song with the same leader. I wondered what their story was, were they lovers, did the man have a crush on her or her on him? My mind was alight with ideas and stories and questions. I don’t want people to think the same thing about me because I dance more than one tanda with a leader. Or should I just not care what others think, knowing that only I can know what’s in my heart?

I do know this: In tango, I do not want to hurt a leader’s feelings. If I have to bow out of a tanda, I will try to do so gracefully, and with restraint, only if my safely feels at risk, or if I can tell the person is a sleaze. If I want to stay for another, I will linger and be friendly, but ultimately leave the decision up to a leader.

I also know this: I will never dance with that “dignified-looking” gray-haired man again. I know he does not recognize me. He doesn’t know how much he humiliated me. He has no idea the havoc he wreaks in followers’ lives. I’ve seen him watching me on the dance floor at milongas. And recently, he actually asked me again to dance. I wanted to say, “Not on your life, you sleaze ball scumbag.” But instead I smiled gently, and said “No, thanks.” Never, ever again.

~ T.E.

What are your thoughts on tandas? When should we dance only one and when should we dance more?  When is it correct to cut a tanda short?  Comments have been enabled – so please share your thoughts below.

 

Disclaimer:The views, opinions and positions expressed within these guest posts are those of the author alone and do not represent those of SF Loves Tango. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The copyright of this content belongs to the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with them.

Filed Under: Guest Post Tagged With: Argentine Tango, Milongas, San Francisco Tango, Tandas, Tango dancing, Tanguera Escondida

Comments

  1. SB says

    June 16, 2013 at 9:14 pm

    For me, the second tanda is initiated if there’s a sense that the first went exceptionally well–that we’re really connecting, in a groove, and want to keep it going. This also usually only happens with partners I dance with on a regular basis, but I’ve sometimes done a second or more with someone new who surprised me with great dance chemistry.

    I know of one leader who likes to dance with only one, maybe two, followers, in a given night. I’m not sure to what extent romantic interest was involved, but his stated reasoning was that it takes him at least two tandas just to get really well connected, and he’d rather focus on that one connection for an hour or more than start over again with someone else.

  2. jose orellana says

    June 30, 2013 at 1:56 pm

    I have never been comfortable with the concept of a dance being evaluated in terms of romance. And I say this after falling in love three times with dance partners in the last twelve years. I am now married to one of them. Naturally the intimacy and pure joy of dancing can create an intoxicating brew. But I would not marry a woman solely on the basis of how well we dance together. Rather it is what I learn about her in the process that engages me. Frankly, most of my best tandas have been with women I have no desire to marry. While being married to a woman who is also a very pleasurable dance partner is really a bonus. I don’t like the constraint of a tanda on a more fundamental basis. Partners who like each others dance quality need not apologize for continuing more than one tanda. I do think that in the interest of sociability though, successive tandas works against the higher purposes of a milonga. So I would rather return to a favorite partner frequently, allowing her to circulate more naturally, or just make a date for an evening of dinner then exclusive dancing if romance enters the mix. I have never broken tanda, except in the case when my wedding song is played. In those casess I explain the situation to my partner begging her understanding then I stay with her until the next song and resume with genuine regret for breaking and sincere extra appreciation for her indulgence. There are times when I want to break tanda but I just don’t. And I have never had a lady excuse herself. I have been turned down twice in twelve years, hut those instances were my fault for not asking in the right way and at the right time. If I sense that a partner wants to stay with me longer than I prefer or if the protocols of Milonga vs Practica are not known I indicate my preference ahead of time. DJs that play 4 or 5 songs or extra long sets or songs iritate me, even if I love my partner. If, however they provide a very thoughtful and supportive mix through the night, then I always thank them and tell everyone I know.
    Cabeceos are another tricky topic. I struggle with the tradition of the tanda and cabeceo, being a married guy not looking for romance. These traditions were born in an era and culture where nuance was better understood, hut I embrace them to preserve Tango.
    I firmly believe that it is the responsibility of teachers to mention the coutesies of Tango and milongas at the end of every class, and the resposibility of dancers of any level to attend classes on a regular basis. The situation of bad tandas might become moot if people invested more time to learning to dance well. Ladies who I see in class regularly get my support and extra dances. And, seriously guys, are you doing anything to improve?
    So how many Tandas? Go back to class and make it moot. You owe it to our community to give more then you take.

    • maika says

      June 30, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Thank you. Well said. It’s great to hear a guys point of view on these subjects.

Tango scenes in SF

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Celebrate #bayareatango community, support everyone involved & share ♥️ of #tango with San Francisco Bay Area and beyond.

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🧨 New year, new beginnings! One happened yester 🧨 New year, new beginnings! One happened yesterday at @thetangodome – first Women's Gathering hosted by @ayano.yoneda.tango, including folks who identify as women.

Part clothing & shoe swap, and part cultivating a safe space to be vulnerable, be generous, be supportive, and be real with each other.

Looking forward to more of this and building a community that keeps involving what tango events can be beyond the dance! 🙌 
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As the year-end approaches, many SF local tango ev As the year-end approaches, many SF local tango events have had or will have their last event of 2022 to wrap things up. This year's last Milonga Rubia al Sur happened this past Sunday, Dec 18 with DJ @ayano.yoneda.tango and special performance with visiting artist, @martinalmironartist, and milonga host, Lisette @passion4tango. 

With the holidays coming up and Argentina winning the world cup, dancing tango all night long around Lisette's very own flower arrangements was just the appropriate celebration people needed.

Hosted by Lisette Perelle, Milonga Rubia is held every 1st & 3rd Sunday of the month, with current location at Just Dance Ballroom (2500 Embarcadero) in Oakland and a different DJ for each event.

✨ Fun fact - how Milonga Rubia got its name... ✨

Lisette's Argentine friends have always been calling her 'Rubia' because of her blonde hair. One day about 6 years ago, when she was discussing naming this new milonga with @julian_tangosf, he said, “Why not just call it Milonga Rubia?" That's how Milonga Rubia got its name! The event once was in a venue in Emeryville/Richmond. Once Lisette changed venues to a more southern location (Just Dance Ballroom in Oakland), the event's name was changed to 'Milonga Rubia al Sur' accordingly.
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Last Saturday, Saturday Dec 17, @abrazoqueertango Last Saturday, Saturday Dec 17, @abrazoqueertango hosted their Holiday Bash with performances by @mirabtango and Miranda at @tangodome, a cool art gallery and dance space at 951 62nd St in Oakland.

🏳️‍🌈 Abrazo Queer Tangois a volunteer-run organization, and after expenses, all funds are used to pay for their events and offer discounts to students and folks short on cash. To help the org break even in 2022 and fund its 2023 programs, last Saturday's event was positioned as a fundraiser with a sliding scale $20-$40 for folks to choose how they'd like to show their support, offering a sweet night of performance, community and great music in a magical location. 

Missed the event yet still would like to support Queer Tango? Donations always totally work! Please write *donation* in the comment via your favorite method:
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💫 #motivationmonday is not over yet so here is 💫 #motivationmonday is not over yet so here is a quick recap of the International Day of Tango at @greatnorthernsf last night! 💫 Milonga hosted by @julian_tangosf with DJ @loco_chung. 
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This Friday night in the heart of San Francisco, t This Friday night in the heart of San Francisco, tango dancers and the public who are curious art lovers had a unique experience with live music performed by local tango musicians and the strategic mix of TANGO • VALS • MILONGA • ALTERNATIVE music by DJ @jonas.aqui of @jxtango at @drawingroomsf_annex, an art • gallery • studio in the Mission district – a free event by the collaboration of @chetangosf, @drawingroomsf and @artistmigration. 

Artists featured:
Sumi Lee (piano) @sfsumi
J Ramada (bass)
Basma Edrees (violin) @basmaedreesviolin
Verónica Freidkes (vocal) @veroverofreidkes

Check out our stories and story highlights for snippets of the performances and tango dancing around art pieces!
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All events created by Ramada Salieri and Elaine Chiu are dedicated to providing an inclusive and friendly dancing and learning environment in San Francisco and the Bay Area regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, or any other characteristic or trait.

ONGOING EVENTS
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The Drawing Room connects community through art to help improve the overall human condition by making art accessible and part of the daily fabric of our lives. 
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❣️about Artist Migration❣️

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Those who came out to @tangolabruja last night had Those who came out to @tangolabruja last night had an epic evening of dancing and live music with three highly skillful tango musicians’ improvised music – Trio Tangazo, a dynamite tango trio made up of Sascha Jacobsen (bass), Seth Asarnow (piano), and Adrian Jost (bandoneon). 

~~Fun fact~~
Sascha, Seth and Adrian all performed at La Bruja previously - either with other tango ensembles or in duo - but it was the first time all three of them taking the stage together!

📍 @berkeleycityclub 
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🥧 Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so @milongamalevaje 🥧 Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so @milongamalevaje is closed for that matter, but here is something different & fun from last Thursday 😉 with DJ @jonas.aqui, courtesy of hosts @tanguera_e, Ramada Salieri and Adolfo Caszarry.

Have a wonderful holiday everyone!
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✨ FRIDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨ It’s been awhile sin ✨ FRIDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨

It’s been awhile since Milonga La Genesis (hosted by @julian_tangosf) has live tango music. Last night LEO TANGASSO QUARTET was in the house, featuring @leogassomusic from Montevideo, Uruguay on bandoneon,  @smurfetteshum on piano, Stella Bonilla on violin,  @digsmahler on double bass.

(🎥 @tangonnection, edited by @sflovestango)
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👏 The all-female tango ensemble, 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨, wrapped up their 2022 concert tour at @alameda_elks1015, playing for a full house of guests at the @housetango Community Milonga.

𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is a collaboration between powerhouse female tango musicians @sfsumi (piano), @heynisolera (bandoneon), and @teagbby (violin). Their concert on Sunday featured guest bassist @fabricanfabricant and vocalist @teresatam.sing.

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The mission of 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is to present contemporary Argentine tango through virtuosic artistic performance and educational events.  Sumi, Heyni, and Teagan originally bonded in Buenos Aires, drawn by a mutual love of tango music, as well as by a realization of the inequality of professional opportunity for women in the tango genre. They studied under the same maestros and performed with prestigious tango orchestras in Buenos Aires.  They now frequently perform around the world, including in their respective adopted cities of San Francisco (Sumi), Washington, DC (Heyni), and NYC (Teagan). All of the musicians also produce their own music. 
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#tango #concert #milonga #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusic #contemporarymusic #contemporarytango #womenintango #womeninmusic #travelingmusician #heynibando #tour #beautifulwomen #musiciansofinstagram #sanfrancisco #california #berkeley #oakland #bayareatango #tangomusicians
🎉 Saturday, October 22 marked the grand re-open 🎉 Saturday, October 22 marked the grand re-opening of Vecher Tango at the Russian Center of SF!

After a long pause of two and a half year, the magnificent grand ballroom was filled with tango energy again. What made the occasion extra special was the incredible performances by another visiting master couple @javierchikk & @moiracastellano. To top it off, @virginiaychristian "Los Totis" joined Javier & Moira on the floor for a mixed maestros dance!

Shout-out to our dearest friend Davood Yazdani, Julia Schiptsova of Tango Element, and all the local organizers for making this weekend feel like a mini tango festival in San Francisco!
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✨It's a star-struck tango week in SF!!✨ @vir ✨It's a star-struck tango week in SF!!✨ 

@virginiaychristian "Los Totis" have been teaching in San Francisco (brought to you by our very own Davood Yazdani who's in collaboration with Julia Schiptsova of Tango Element!) And we were mesmerized by their fantastic performances last night at the special edition of @milongamalevaje at @verdiclubsf ! 🤩👏
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#tango #argentinetango #argentinetango♥️ #tangoargentino  #tangoperformance #bailar 
#bailemos #bailando #tangoshow  #tangoevent #tangoperformance #tangodancer #tangocouple #specialevent #onenightonly #tangophoto
💫 Exactly a year later, 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨, an all-female tango musician collaboration, has returned to the SF Bay Area!! 

Last night they took the audience on a magical journey to Buenos Aires with a concert-milonga at @tangolabruja in Berkeley. Check out our stories to see more snippets of their performance!

𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is a collaboration between powerhouse female tango musicians @sfsumi (piano), @heynisolera (bandoneon), and @teagbby (violin). The concert last night featured guest singer @veroverofreidkes.

The mission of 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is to present contemporary Argentine tango through virtuosic artistic performance and educational events. Sumi Lee, Heyni Solera, and Teagan Faran originally bonded in Buenos Aires, drawn by a mutual love of tango music, as well as by a realization of the inequality of professional opportunity for women in the tango genre. They studied under the same maestros and performed with prestigious tango orchestras in Buenos Aires.  They now frequently perform around the world, including in their respective adopted cities of San Francisco (Sumi), Washington, DC (Heyni), and NYC (Teagan). All of the musicians also produce their own music. 

Catch them for the rest of their tour!
🔸10/20 (Thur) 10pm, World Folk Jam concert w/ ten other world music groups, Oakland
🔸10/21 (Fri) 7pm, Sebastopol Center for the Arts
🔸10/22 (Sat) 7:30pm, Sunset Music and Arts, San Francisco
🔸10/23 (Sun) 3:30pm, houseTango Community Milonga @ Alameda Elks Lodge, Alameda
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