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Why Tango Relationships Work and Why They May Not

October 19, 2014

TangoInspiration

They say that women take dance classes because they like to dance and men take dance classes because they want to meet women.

At some point, men begin to realize they actually like dancing and women realize they really like men who can dance. And of course, this leads us to what happens when two dancers date each other. If things work out, its great. If not, then you need to navigate the post-relationship dancing.

I know dozens of people that have met through Tango and have found a way to make their relationship work. And others date for a few months or even a few years and then separate over differences. So the question is: what makes some tango relationships work out and others not?

First let’s delve first into why Tango relationships are great.

When you date someone that also dances Tango, you understand each other. You don’t need to explain why you need to go out dancing multiple times a week. You don’t need to explain your collection of Tango music, books, shoes and clothes. And most importantly, you don’t need to explain why you plan all your vacation days around Tango festivals.

You will always have something to do together. Perhaps other couples plan dates to dinner and the movies, but you two can always go dancing. And most likely, the majority of your friends are also Tango dancers.

You have a reason to dress up. When in a relationship, its easy to get into a comfortable routine and spend too much time in lounge clothes. Dancing Tango gives you a great reason to look your best, for others and for each other.

You have someone to dance with at the milongas. Some tango couples always dance the first and last Tanda together, and others don’t dance follow these rules at all. But either way, you always have a dance partner.

Dancing socially (with other people) can ignite passion for each other. Dancing tango can help you from getting bored with each other. It gives you permission to have twelve minute romances with another person and still go home with your loved one.  Just keep in mind that dance crushes are fun and safe as long as you don’t act on them.

So why would a Tango relationships not work out?

You only have Tango in common. Dancing with your bodies and heads pressed together, breathing in each others scent and moving as one can give the illusion of chemistry, connection and compatibility. But no matter how great of a connection on the dance floor, if you have nothing in common off the dance floor then the relationship is doomed.

You or the other person is insecure and/or get jealous easily. Tango is a very intimate dance and it can be hard to watch your partner dancing with someone else. If you do not trust your partner or yourself, there is no way the relationship will last.

If you are with someone just to be with someone. If you are dating someone just so that you don’t have to be alone, it won’t work. It truly is better to be single than in an unhappy relationship. Plus being single in Tango gives you the opportunity to flirt and dance with whomever you want.  Enjoy it.

You have different priorities in your life. If one person wants children and the other doesn’t, or if one person wants to travel the world and the other is a homebody, it just won’t work.

What elements make a tango relationship last?

You both want to be in a together and want the same things out of the relationship. Perhaps you both just want companionship, a dance partnership, or to be live-in lovers, as long as you both agree, you have a good chance of making it work.

You are in a similar place in your life in regard to children, finances, lifestyle, etc. These are big issues and can easily break up a relationship, no matter how great you get along or how well you dance together.

You are secure in yourself. Reaching this stage can take a lot of time and self-reflection. Ideally, you should want to see your partner happy and enjoying themselves even if that means seeing them dance beautifully with other people.

You enjoy dancing with each other. This is not a deal breaker and your partner does not need to be your “favorite” partner, but it sure helps if you enjoy dancing together.

Ultimately, Tango relationships work best when you have more in common than just Tango. It’s important to have compatibility in many areas of your life and not just on the dance floor.

Being with someone who also dances can be a wonderful experience, but it should be thought of as an added benefit to an already great relationship. You should feel a general sense of joy and happiness just being with this person. If there is no joy then why are you together? Trust yourself.  When a relationship is good, you will know it.  In the meantime, enjoy the dancing.

Filed Under: Musings Tagged With: Argentine Tango, Milonga, Tango dancing, Tango Relationships

Comments

  1. Sasha Cagen says

    November 12, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Yes this is always a perennial question of whether it’s better to be with someone inside or outside of tango. Nice job of breaking down the deeper factors. The tangasm connection with someone can be momentarily confusing when you feel such an amazing connection on the dance floor and then realizing, oh yes, it’s just that, and only that. 🙂

Tango scenes in SF

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Celebrate #bayareatango community, support everyone involved & share ♥️ of #tango with San Francisco Bay Area and beyond.

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✨ Vecher Tango at the Russian Center had another ✨ Vecher Tango at the Russian Center had another star-struck night!✨

@ariadnayfernando returned to San Francisco after their last visit in 2016 for @noras_tango_week.

On top of teaching all afternoon and performing four songs of their choice, they surprised us with an improvised encore to live music by Seth Asarnow (@sethasarnow on piano) and Adrian Jost (@fueyequerido on bandoneón), a first-time collaboration for the four artists altogether!! 👏👏♥️♥️🙌🙌 ¡Qué celebración del Tango!

Thank you Julia Schiptsova @juliasch999 and Davood Yazdani for bringing @ariadnanaveira and @fernet_sanz back to SF! We look forward to welcoming them back later this year in Thanksgiving. Stay tuned for details.

Check out our stories for video snippets from the amazing evening!
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That Saturday night ❤️‍🔥 when Duo Villarr That Saturday night ❤️‍🔥 when Duo Villarreal Crom, @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom joined forces with Orquesta Típico Domo at @thetangodome !🎶🎻🎸🎹🎤
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Part 3️⃣ of Duo @juanvillarreal_13 & @patricio Part 3️⃣ of Duo @juanvillarreal_13 & @patriciocrom Crom at @thetangodome … a Chacarera! When the musicians extended an invitation to the audience to join them on stage, a few dancers spontaneously jumped at the chance! 👏👏👏👏
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevents #tangomusic #tangoconcert #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusicians #travelingmusicians #duo #guitarists #livemusic #argentinefolklore #contemporarytango  #bayareatango #sflovestango #oakland #weekendvibes #goodvibesonly #performanceart #tangoislife
REPOSTING… because how could one resist missing REPOSTING… because how could one resist missing the standing ovation *and* an encore because earlier post got cut off due to unknown glitch🙈… Second half of part 1️⃣ the highlights from an amazing night at @thetangodome with Duo 🎸🎸 @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom ! And our very own @scottodaymusic made it a guitar trio for the encore! 
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevents #tangomusic #tangoconcert #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusicians #travelingmusicians #duo #guitarists #livemusic #argentinefolklore #contemporarytango  #bayareatango #sflovestango #oakland #weekendvibes #goodvibesonly #performanceart #tangoislife
❤️‍🔥DJ @lebendiguna DROPS THE NEEDLE with ❤️‍🔥DJ @lebendiguna DROPS THE NEEDLE with the world’s fastest learning curve!❤️‍🔥

When Una’s laptop unexpectedly failed to connect to @thetangodome sound system, Daniel Peter’s vinyl collection and on-the-spot knowledge transfer to the rescue!! 😮🔥🧯❤️ After watching Dan just a few times dropping the needle between tracks, Una hit the track her FIRST TIME trying‼️✌️

🎥 @thetangodome 
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevents #milonga #tangodj #tangomusic #vinylrecords #newskillunlocked #tangoislife #oldtechisgoodtech #bayareatango #oakland
Part 2️⃣ from a fun Saturday night at @thetang Part 2️⃣ from a fun Saturday night at @thetangodome with Duo Villarreal Crom, featuring Tango Guitarists @juanvillarreal_13 and… Señor D'ARIENZO?! 👀🤨 Can you guess what was happening here? 😆😉
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevents #tangomusic #tangoconcert #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusicians #travelingmusicians #duo #guitarists #puppet #bayareatango #sflovestango #oakland #weekendvibes #goodvibesonly #performanceart #tangoislife
Part 1️⃣ of the highlights from an amazing nig Part 1️⃣ of the highlights from an amazing night at @thetangodome with Duo Villarreal Crom, featuring Tango Guitarists @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom ! 💎 watch till the end to see SF’s very own guitarist @scottodaymusic joined them for an encore!

🎸ABOUT THE ARTISTS🎸
Juan Villarreal and Patricio Crom began working together in 2010 playing tangos in milongas and clubs in the city of Buenos Aires. From the beginning, the Duo Villarreal-Crom, tried to find a particular aesthetic and a unique style that they have refined with the passing of the years.

Today they are one of the most renowned duos on the tango scene in Buenos Aires and the world, having made countless tours in Latin America, Europe and the United States.

They have released 4 albums: "De corte romántico (2012)", "Cinco tonos (2015)", "En la luna de Valencia (2017)" and "D'Arienzo en guitarras (2022)". In May 2023 they will present their new album consisting entirely of original works.  In 2022, they were on the cover of the renowned German magazine "Tangodanza", the world's largest tango magazine.
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevents #tangomusic #tangoconcert #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusicians #travelingmusicians #duo #guitarists #livemusic #argentinefolklore #contemporarytango  #bayareatango #sflovestango #oakland #weekendvibes #goodvibesonly #performanceart #tangoislife
♥️ 𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩 ♥️ (link in bio🔗)

Did you know that the very first post on SF Loves Tango was published by @maikalanidesigns on 𝗔𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗹 𝟮𝟬, 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟮? And April 21, 2019, is when the brains and hands behind SF Loves Tango changed to us, @jxtango ? We would like to celebrate these anniversaries by recapping what we’ve accomplished post-COVID and start looking ahead!
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👋 Many of you know @aviksbasu and Mitra Martin 👋 Many of you know @aviksbasu and Mitra Martin as accomplished tango dancers and teachers. But did you know they are also professional researchers with curiosity and interest to understand tango better?

Check out this cool new research project they are working on: the 𝗧𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗼 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗲𝘆! (link in bio 🔗)

⏳ It takes about 20-30 minutes to answer some intriguing (anonymous) questions about what you experience as you dance - mental talk, images, sensations, etc.

🎯 Fill it out today and help them reach their goal of 1000 participants by April 30th! They’ll gather neat data to create more empathy and understanding and help the community grow.
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Abrazo, the queer milonga, happens every 3rd Satur Abrazo, the queer milonga, happens every 3rd Saturday of the month, and today, April 15, @abrazoqueertango welcomed @inesmuzzopappa for the first time and the pre-milonga class was sold out!
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✨SATURDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨ Che! Milonga is a con ✨SATURDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨

Che! Milonga is a conventional 4.5-hour long milonga with a cozy and casual vibe that happens on 1st and 2nd Saturday of the month at La Pista Tango Studio. 

Tucked away among storage and industrial spaces for local businesses, La Pista is a dedicated tango studio frequently used for classes and workshops. With lighting, seating, wall projection, and table decoration arrangements, our beloved hosts, Ramada and @tanguera_e , put thoughtful touches that give the space a nightclub ambiance.

Check out our February story drop featuring @che_tango_sf (sflovestango.com/che-tango-sf/) and tomorrow, Saturday, April 8, is your chance to dance at their Che Milonga with DJ @kostas_aretos ! 

📸 from Che Milonga on Saturday, April 1st with DJ @ayano.yoneda.tango 
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❤️ 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩 ❤️
Women's History Month is almost over, but celebrating the impact of women is today and every day! 

Remember the Women's Gathering hosted by @ayano.yoneda.tango in the beginning of this year? Are you curious about the 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 and 𝙬𝙝𝙮 behind these events? 
"𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 – 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳-𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 – 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴, 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳." – Ayano Yoneda

More in our latest story drop (🔗 link in bio)!
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