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Why Tango Relationships Work and Why They May Not

October 19, 2014

TangoInspiration

They say that women take dance classes because they like to dance and men take dance classes because they want to meet women.

At some point, men begin to realize they actually like dancing and women realize they really like men who can dance. And of course, this leads us to what happens when two dancers date each other. If things work out, its great. If not, then you need to navigate the post-relationship dancing.

I know dozens of people that have met through Tango and have found a way to make their relationship work. And others date for a few months or even a few years and then separate over differences. So the question is: what makes some tango relationships work out and others not?

First let’s delve first into why Tango relationships are great.

When you date someone that also dances Tango, you understand each other. You don’t need to explain why you need to go out dancing multiple times a week. You don’t need to explain your collection of Tango music, books, shoes and clothes. And most importantly, you don’t need to explain why you plan all your vacation days around Tango festivals.

You will always have something to do together. Perhaps other couples plan dates to dinner and the movies, but you two can always go dancing. And most likely, the majority of your friends are also Tango dancers.

You have a reason to dress up. When in a relationship, its easy to get into a comfortable routine and spend too much time in lounge clothes. Dancing Tango gives you a great reason to look your best, for others and for each other.

You have someone to dance with at the milongas. Some tango couples always dance the first and last Tanda together, and others don’t dance follow these rules at all. But either way, you always have a dance partner.

Dancing socially (with other people) can ignite passion for each other. Dancing tango can help you from getting bored with each other. It gives you permission to have twelve minute romances with another person and still go home with your loved one.  Just keep in mind that dance crushes are fun and safe as long as you don’t act on them.

So why would a Tango relationships not work out?

You only have Tango in common. Dancing with your bodies and heads pressed together, breathing in each others scent and moving as one can give the illusion of chemistry, connection and compatibility. But no matter how great of a connection on the dance floor, if you have nothing in common off the dance floor then the relationship is doomed.

You or the other person is insecure and/or get jealous easily. Tango is a very intimate dance and it can be hard to watch your partner dancing with someone else. If you do not trust your partner or yourself, there is no way the relationship will last.

If you are with someone just to be with someone. If you are dating someone just so that you don’t have to be alone, it won’t work. It truly is better to be single than in an unhappy relationship. Plus being single in Tango gives you the opportunity to flirt and dance with whomever you want.  Enjoy it.

You have different priorities in your life. If one person wants children and the other doesn’t, or if one person wants to travel the world and the other is a homebody, it just won’t work.

What elements make a tango relationship last?

You both want to be in a together and want the same things out of the relationship. Perhaps you both just want companionship, a dance partnership, or to be live-in lovers, as long as you both agree, you have a good chance of making it work.

You are in a similar place in your life in regard to children, finances, lifestyle, etc. These are big issues and can easily break up a relationship, no matter how great you get along or how well you dance together.

You are secure in yourself. Reaching this stage can take a lot of time and self-reflection. Ideally, you should want to see your partner happy and enjoying themselves even if that means seeing them dance beautifully with other people.

You enjoy dancing with each other. This is not a deal breaker and your partner does not need to be your “favorite” partner, but it sure helps if you enjoy dancing together.

Ultimately, Tango relationships work best when you have more in common than just Tango. It’s important to have compatibility in many areas of your life and not just on the dance floor.

Being with someone who also dances can be a wonderful experience, but it should be thought of as an added benefit to an already great relationship. You should feel a general sense of joy and happiness just being with this person. If there is no joy then why are you together? Trust yourself.  When a relationship is good, you will know it.  In the meantime, enjoy the dancing.

Filed Under: Musings Tagged With: Argentine Tango, Milonga, Tango dancing, Tango Relationships

Comments

  1. Sasha Cagen says

    November 12, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Yes this is always a perennial question of whether it’s better to be with someone inside or outside of tango. Nice job of breaking down the deeper factors. The tangasm connection with someone can be momentarily confusing when you feel such an amazing connection on the dance floor and then realizing, oh yes, it’s just that, and only that. 🙂

Tango scenes in SF

sflovestango

Celebrate #bayareatango community, support everyone involved & share ♥️ of #tango with San Francisco Bay Area and beyond.

sflovestango
As the year-end approaches, many SF local tango ev As the year-end approaches, many SF local tango events have had or will have their last event of 2022 to wrap things up. This year's last Milonga Rubia al Sur happened this past Sunday, Dec 18 with DJ @ayano.yoneda.tango and special performance with visiting artist, @martinalmironartist, and milonga host, Lisette @passion4tango. 

With the holidays coming up and Argentina winning the world cup, dancing tango all night long around Lisette's very own flower arrangements was just the appropriate celebration people needed.

Hosted by Lisette Perelle, Milonga Rubia is held every 1st & 3rd Sunday of the month, with current location at Just Dance Ballroom (2500 Embarcadero) in Oakland and a different DJ for each event.

✨ Fun fact - how Milonga Rubia got its name... ✨

Lisette's Argentine friends have always been calling her 'Rubia' because of her blonde hair. One day about 6 years ago, when she was discussing naming this new milonga with @julian_tangosf, he said, “Why not just call it Milonga Rubia?" That's how Milonga Rubia got its name! The event once was in a venue in Emeryville/Richmond. Once Lisette changed venues to a more southern location (Just Dance Ballroom in Oakland), the event's name was changed to 'Milonga Rubia al Sur' accordingly.
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevent #sundayfunday #milonga #milonganight #socialdancing #bailemos #embrace #tangodancers #bayareatango #oakland #keepdancing #dancingislife #weekendrecap
Last Saturday, Saturday Dec 17, @abrazoqueertango Last Saturday, Saturday Dec 17, @abrazoqueertango hosted their Holiday Bash with performances by @mirabtango and Miranda at @tangodome, a cool art gallery and dance space at 951 62nd St in Oakland.

🏳️‍🌈 Abrazo Queer Tangois a volunteer-run organization, and after expenses, all funds are used to pay for their events and offer discounts to students and folks short on cash. To help the org break even in 2022 and fund its 2023 programs, last Saturday's event was positioned as a fundraiser with a sliding scale $20-$40 for folks to choose how they'd like to show their support, offering a sweet night of performance, community and great music in a magical location. 

Missed the event yet still would like to support Queer Tango? Donations always totally work! Please write *donation* in the comment via your favorite method:
Venmo ➡️ abrazo-tango (Karen Curtis)
Paypal ➡️ abrazoqueertango@gmail.com
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevent #specialevents #milonga #saturdayvibe #socialdancing #bailemos #embrace #tangodancers #bayareatango #queertango #oakland #keepdancing #dancingislife #weekendrecap
💫 #motivationmonday is not over yet so here is 💫 #motivationmonday is not over yet so here is a quick recap of the International Day of Tango at @greatnorthernsf last night! 💫 Milonga hosted by @julian_tangosf with DJ @loco_chung. 
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#diadeltango #tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevent #specialevents #milonga #sundayfunday #socialdancing #bailemos #embrace #tangodancers #bayareatango #sanfrancisco #keepdancing #dancingislife #weekendrecap
This Friday night in the heart of San Francisco, t This Friday night in the heart of San Francisco, tango dancers and the public who are curious art lovers had a unique experience with live music performed by local tango musicians and the strategic mix of TANGO • VALS • MILONGA • ALTERNATIVE music by DJ @jonas.aqui of @jxtango at @drawingroomsf_annex, an art • gallery • studio in the Mission district – a free event by the collaboration of @chetangosf, @drawingroomsf and @artistmigration. 

Artists featured:
Sumi Lee (piano) @sfsumi
J Ramada (bass)
Basma Edrees (violin) @basmaedreesviolin
Verónica Freidkes (vocal) @veroverofreidkes

Check out our stories and story highlights for snippets of the performances and tango dancing around art pieces!
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❣️ about Che! Tango SF❣️

All events created by Ramada Salieri and Elaine Chiu are dedicated to providing an inclusive and friendly dancing and learning environment in San Francisco and the Bay Area regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, or any other characteristic or trait.

ONGOING EVENTS
Che! Milonga: Every 1st and 2nd Saturday of the month 
Che! Música + Milonga: Once every quarter on a 2nd Saturday
Milonga Uno: 3rd Saturday of every other month
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❣️ about The Drawing Room SF ❣️

MISSION
The Drawing Room connects community through art to help improve the overall human condition by making art accessible and part of the daily fabric of our lives. 
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❣️about Artist Migration❣️

ANTI CAPITALIST ART
Artist-led curatorial project providing performance and exhibition opportunities to international artists.
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #concert #milonga #specialevent #onenightonly #livemusic #fridaynights #art #tangomusic #contemporarymusic #contemporarytango #womenintango #womeninmusic #artislife  #tangomusicians #musiciansofinstagram #sanfrancisco #california #bayareatango #sflovestango #jxtango
Those who came out to @tangolabruja last night had Those who came out to @tangolabruja last night had an epic evening of dancing and live music with three highly skillful tango musicians’ improvised music – Trio Tangazo, a dynamite tango trio made up of Sascha Jacobsen (bass), Seth Asarnow (piano), and Adrian Jost (bandoneon). 

~~Fun fact~~
Sascha, Seth and Adrian all performed at La Bruja previously - either with other tango ensembles or in duo - but it was the first time all three of them taking the stage together!

📍 @berkeleycityclub 
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#tango #concert #milonga #milonganight #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusic #improvisation #travelingmusician #musiciansofinstagram #california #berkeley #bayareatango #tangomusicians #tangodancers #socialdance #dancingislife #sflovestango
🥧 Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so @milongamalevaje 🥧 Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so @milongamalevaje is closed for that matter, but here is something different & fun from last Thursday 😉 with DJ @jonas.aqui, courtesy of hosts @tanguera_e, Ramada Salieri and Adolfo Caszarry.

Have a wonderful holiday everyone!
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #milonga #milonganight #tangoevent #tangoalternativo #alternativetango #tangonuevo #embrace #bailar #bailemos #socialdance #partnerdance #tangodancers #dancingislife #bayareatango #sanfrancisco #sflovestango
✨ FRIDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨ It’s been awhile sin ✨ FRIDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨

It’s been awhile since Milonga La Genesis (hosted by @julian_tangosf) has live tango music. Last night LEO TANGASSO QUARTET was in the house, featuring @leogassomusic from Montevideo, Uruguay on bandoneon,  @smurfetteshum on piano, Stella Bonilla on violin,  @digsmahler on double bass.

(🎥 @tangonnection, edited by @sflovestango)
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#tango #argentinetango #tangoargentino #specialevent #bayareatango #tangomusic #livemusic #tangomusicians #bandoneon #piano #doublebass #violin #quartet #onenightonly #milonganight #sanfrancisco #sflovestango
👏 The all-female tango ensemble, 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨, wrapped up their 2022 concert tour at @alameda_elks1015, playing for a full house of guests at the @housetango Community Milonga.

𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is a collaboration between powerhouse female tango musicians @sfsumi (piano), @heynisolera (bandoneon), and @teagbby (violin). Their concert on Sunday featured guest bassist @fabricanfabricant and vocalist @teresatam.sing.

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The mission of 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is to present contemporary Argentine tango through virtuosic artistic performance and educational events.  Sumi, Heyni, and Teagan originally bonded in Buenos Aires, drawn by a mutual love of tango music, as well as by a realization of the inequality of professional opportunity for women in the tango genre. They studied under the same maestros and performed with prestigious tango orchestras in Buenos Aires.  They now frequently perform around the world, including in their respective adopted cities of San Francisco (Sumi), Washington, DC (Heyni), and NYC (Teagan). All of the musicians also produce their own music. 
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#tango #concert #milonga #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusic #contemporarymusic #contemporarytango #womenintango #womeninmusic #travelingmusician #heynibando #tour #beautifulwomen #musiciansofinstagram #sanfrancisco #california #berkeley #oakland #bayareatango #tangomusicians
🎉 Saturday, October 22 marked the grand re-open 🎉 Saturday, October 22 marked the grand re-opening of Vecher Tango at the Russian Center of SF!

After a long pause of two and a half year, the magnificent grand ballroom was filled with tango energy again. What made the occasion extra special was the incredible performances by another visiting master couple @javierchikk & @moiracastellano. To top it off, @virginiaychristian "Los Totis" joined Javier & Moira on the floor for a mixed maestros dance!

Shout-out to our dearest friend Davood Yazdani, Julia Schiptsova of Tango Element, and all the local organizers for making this weekend feel like a mini tango festival in San Francisco!
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#tango #argentinetango #argentinetango♥️ #tangoargentino #milonganight #tangoperformance #bailar #bailemos #bailando #tangoshow #tangoevent #tangodancer #tangocouple #specialevent #onenightonly #tangophoto
✨It's a star-struck tango week in SF!!✨ @vir ✨It's a star-struck tango week in SF!!✨ 

@virginiaychristian "Los Totis" have been teaching in San Francisco (brought to you by our very own Davood Yazdani who's in collaboration with Julia Schiptsova of Tango Element!) And we were mesmerized by their fantastic performances last night at the special edition of @milongamalevaje at @verdiclubsf ! 🤩👏
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#tango #argentinetango #argentinetango♥️ #tangoargentino  #tangoperformance #bailar 
#bailemos #bailando #tangoshow  #tangoevent #tangoperformance #tangodancer #tangocouple #specialevent #onenightonly #tangophoto
💫 Exactly a year later, 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨, an all-female tango musician collaboration, has returned to the SF Bay Area!! 

Last night they took the audience on a magical journey to Buenos Aires with a concert-milonga at @tangolabruja in Berkeley. Check out our stories to see more snippets of their performance!

𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is a collaboration between powerhouse female tango musicians @sfsumi (piano), @heynisolera (bandoneon), and @teagbby (violin). The concert last night featured guest singer @veroverofreidkes.

The mission of 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is to present contemporary Argentine tango through virtuosic artistic performance and educational events. Sumi Lee, Heyni Solera, and Teagan Faran originally bonded in Buenos Aires, drawn by a mutual love of tango music, as well as by a realization of the inequality of professional opportunity for women in the tango genre. They studied under the same maestros and performed with prestigious tango orchestras in Buenos Aires.  They now frequently perform around the world, including in their respective adopted cities of San Francisco (Sumi), Washington, DC (Heyni), and NYC (Teagan). All of the musicians also produce their own music. 

Catch them for the rest of their tour!
🔸10/20 (Thur) 10pm, World Folk Jam concert w/ ten other world music groups, Oakland
🔸10/21 (Fri) 7pm, Sebastopol Center for the Arts
🔸10/22 (Sat) 7:30pm, Sunset Music and Arts, San Francisco
🔸10/23 (Sun) 3:30pm, houseTango Community Milonga @ Alameda Elks Lodge, Alameda
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#tango #concert #milonga #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusic #contemporarymusic #contemporarytango #womenintango #womeninmusic #travelingmusician #heynibando #tour #beautifulwomen #musiciansofinstagram #sanfrancisco #california #berkeley #oakland #bayareatango
🤩 𝓜𝓲𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓪 𝓕𝓲𝓪𝓽 🤩 𝓜𝓲𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓪 𝓕𝓲𝓪𝓽 𝓛𝓾𝔁 by the @berkeleytangoclub (ATCB) returned to the #ucberkeley campus earlier today, with DJ Prashant! 🎶

The ATCB is a Registered Student Organization of the Associated Students of the University of California (ASUC), comprised of University of California Berkeley students, staff, alumni, and members of the local community who love tango. Their mission is to develop a student tango community at UC Berkeley fit to carry the flag of this generation and the generations to come.

They currently hold classes and práctica every Sunday and a milonga (Milonga Fiat Lux!) about once a month. Whether you are just beginning tango, or have been dancing for some time, you are welcome to join. They aim to hold high-quality events to prepare students to become active members of the Bay Area tango community, and to provide a safe and welcoming social dancing environment.

📌 Mark your calendar for the next Milonga Fiat Lux, a winter edition🎄
𝟮–𝟱𝗽𝗺 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟰
See you in 𝟮𝟰𝟬 𝗘𝘀𝗵𝗹𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗛𝗮𝗹𝗹 of UC Berkeley!
https://m.facebook.com/events/1713049302422431

For more updates:
Email: ucbtango@gmail.com
Facebook: @ArgentineTangoClubBerkeley
Instagram: @berkeleytangoclub 
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#tango #argentinetango #tangoargentino #tangoargentino♥️ #tangoevent #milonga #socialdance #partnerdance #bailemos #bailar #bailando #dancing #tangodancers #berkeleytangoclub #bayareatango #sflovestango
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