They say that women take dance classes because they like to dance and men take dance classes because they want to meet women.
At some point, men begin to realize they actually like dancing and women realize they really like men who can dance. And of course, this leads us to what happens when two dancers date each other. If things work out, its great. If not, then you need to navigate the post-relationship dancing.
I know dozens of people that have met through Tango and have found a way to make their relationship work. And others date for a few months or even a few years and then separate over differences. So the question is: what makes some tango relationships work out and others not?
First let’s delve first into why Tango relationships are great.
When you date someone that also dances Tango, you understand each other. You don’t need to explain why you need to go out dancing multiple times a week. You don’t need to explain your collection of Tango music, books, shoes and clothes. And most importantly, you don’t need to explain why you plan all your vacation days around Tango festivals.
You will always have something to do together. Perhaps other couples plan dates to dinner and the movies, but you two can always go dancing. And most likely, the majority of your friends are also Tango dancers.
You have a reason to dress up. When in a relationship, its easy to get into a comfortable routine and spend too much time in lounge clothes. Dancing Tango gives you a great reason to look your best, for others and for each other.
You have someone to dance with at the milongas. Some tango couples always dance the first and last Tanda together, and others don’t dance follow these rules at all. But either way, you always have a dance partner.
Dancing socially (with other people) can ignite passion for each other. Dancing tango can help you from getting bored with each other. It gives you permission to have twelve minute romances with another person and still go home with your loved one. Just keep in mind that dance crushes are fun and safe as long as you don’t act on them.
So why would a Tango relationships not work out?
You only have Tango in common. Dancing with your bodies and heads pressed together, breathing in each others scent and moving as one can give the illusion of chemistry, connection and compatibility. But no matter how great of a connection on the dance floor, if you have nothing in common off the dance floor then the relationship is doomed.
You or the other person is insecure and/or get jealous easily. Tango is a very intimate dance and it can be hard to watch your partner dancing with someone else. If you do not trust your partner or yourself, there is no way the relationship will last.
If you are with someone just to be with someone. If you are dating someone just so that you don’t have to be alone, it won’t work. It truly is better to be single than in an unhappy relationship. Plus being single in Tango gives you the opportunity to flirt and dance with whomever you want. Enjoy it.
You have different priorities in your life. If one person wants children and the other doesn’t, or if one person wants to travel the world and the other is a homebody, it just won’t work.
What elements make a tango relationship last?
You both want to be in a together and want the same things out of the relationship. Perhaps you both just want companionship, a dance partnership, or to be live-in lovers, as long as you both agree, you have a good chance of making it work.
You are in a similar place in your life in regard to children, finances, lifestyle, etc. These are big issues and can easily break up a relationship, no matter how great you get along or how well you dance together.
You are secure in yourself. Reaching this stage can take a lot of time and self-reflection. Ideally, you should want to see your partner happy and enjoying themselves even if that means seeing them dance beautifully with other people.
You enjoy dancing with each other. This is not a deal breaker and your partner does not need to be your “favorite” partner, but it sure helps if you enjoy dancing together.
Ultimately, Tango relationships work best when you have more in common than just Tango. It’s important to have compatibility in many areas of your life and not just on the dance floor.
Being with someone who also dances can be a wonderful experience, but it should be thought of as an added benefit to an already great relationship. You should feel a general sense of joy and happiness just being with this person. If there is no joy then why are you together? Trust yourself. When a relationship is good, you will know it. In the meantime, enjoy the dancing.
Sasha Cagen says
Yes this is always a perennial question of whether it’s better to be with someone inside or outside of tango. Nice job of breaking down the deeper factors. The tangasm connection with someone can be momentarily confusing when you feel such an amazing connection on the dance floor and then realizing, oh yes, it’s just that, and only that. 🙂