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The Art of the Cabeceo

December 11, 2018

Re-sharing this earlier post by guest writer, “Tanguera Escondida”, about using cabeceo…

The cabeceo is considered an “Argentine” method of asking someone to dance. And honestly, it is not easy for us North Americans to feel comfortable staring at someone so directly. But once you get the hang of it, it’s definitely a great way to acknowledge your mutual interest in dancing together.  A relaxed version of the cabeceo works great in other dance styles too. I’ve found much success just smiling and making eye contact with someone next to the dance floor to indicate my interest in dancing.  No words need to be spoken, which only makes sense, as dancing is non-verbal communication at its finest.

http://www.tangoandchaos.org/chapt_3search/6cabeceo.htm

In today’s story by Tanguera Escondida, she considers the challenges and benefits of the cabeceo. Enjoy!

My tango partner, Klondike, often tells me that tango dancing is like sex.

“You don’t let sex just happen to you, do you?” he always says. “So why do you let tango just happen to you?” Because I love to dance. Because I don’t want to sit on the sidelines all night. Because the music inspires me.”Every time, he slowly shakes his head. “Someday, you’ll learn why it’s important to be picky.”

This is coming from the pickiest man I know in tango. A man who sits out almost all night, monitoring every passing follower, examining the way she moves, connects, her rhythm, every nuance and subtlety. Her foot positioning, the expression on her face. Her expression, people. Is she smiling? Frowning? Does it look like she’s having fun? Is she a nice person?“Why does her facial expression matter?” I ask, over and over. “This is tango. You don’t even see her face.”“I don’t want to dance with a woman who looks like she’s all stressed out,” he says simply, then turns back to the dance floor to watch and watch and watch, with the tiniest of smiles. The amount of scrutiny he puts into picking a follower is mind-blowing.  Sometimes, he doesn’t pick a single one until the last 30 minutes of the milonga. Dances once, then goes home.  (He and I do dance quite a bit together; this is how he picks his other followers).

Then there’s the other end of the spectrum, people who just dance willy nilly with whomever, and have taken the cabaceo to another level entirely. I know one woman who walks within three feet of a leader, stares him down like it’s some sort of staring contest, and pops one hip out in a sexy way. Doesn’t hurt that she’s always wearing some sort of clingy dress. He glances at her, sometimes with trepidation, like he doesn’t know how to handle this very forward creature.  She glances to the dance floor, he nods, sometimes frightened, and it’s on. She dances with exactly who she wants to dance with. She dances every tanda. She prowls around the dance floor like a panther.

http://tango-therapist.blogspot.com/2011/06/assertive-female-cabeceo.html

Both she and Klondike are examples of extreme tango behaviors. But they both pick exactly who they want to dance with and make it happen. I just want to learn how to cabaceo in a way that will land me exactly between these two.  Which means dancing with maybe three of my friends, and one or two new people per night. Which means employing a cabaceo that’s somehow subtle, but forward enough for a leader to notice. No easy task. Historically, I’ve said “yes” to dance partners because they seem like nice people. I size them up quickly, examining their smile, their attitude, their body language. If they seem sweet, I say “yes.” Sometimes, this approach is met with disastrous results, and I walk off the dance floor with the sick feeling of disappointment. Or the feeling of being completely man-handled and thrown around. “Domestic violence,” as Klondike calls it. Or the feeling that I was just doing salsa or swing rather than tango.

“You have to watch the leaders first,” Klondike says. “Pick the ones you would like to dance with. Then try to position yourself near them during the cortina, or meet their eyes.” Heh.  All of the above is very difficult for an introverted person like me. However, I do understand why cabaceo is important in tango. It saves  leaders the embarrassment of walking across the dance floor, then being rebuffed, then having to endure the “walk of shame” back to one’s seat. It saves followers the difficult task of saying “no.” It saves followers from being chased all over the ballroom.I’ve had some unfortunate experiences myself. There was the guy who waited for the tanda to be over, and blocked my way to the bathroom, with a huge smile, to ask me to dance. And another who walked right up to me, and when I didn’t meet his eyes, he tapped me harshly on the shoulder and asked me to dance. Both these men I had to say “no” to, and it was awkward. All this awkwardness would have been avoided if they’d mastered the art of the cabeceo.

I have been taking baby steps when it comes to practicing the cabeceo. One time, at the Verdi, I managed to look halfway across the room at a man I already knew, who happened to be standing by the door. He nodded, I nodded, and there we had it. We danced, and it was great. But does the cabeceo really count if I do it only on leaders I already know? There are many, many leaders I would like to dance with in San Francisco, but I am too shy to stare. I can’t bring myself to walk over and stand near them, willing them to ask. I am afraid of saying “yes” to the wrong person. I’m afraid of saying “no” to the right person. I don’t want to ask a leader to dance. I want to abide by the “rules” of tango, no matter how old-fashioned they might be.

So, like Klondike says, I won’t let tango “just happen” to me. I’m going to try harder, overcome my fear, and make more eye contact. I’m going to dance with new people, even though I might not always have the time to watch them first. But I am going to try to watch more as well, and figure out exactly who I want to dance with and make it happen. If I can do these things successfully, then maybe, someday , I’ll be able to find my own happy medium.

– Tanguera Escondida

Filed Under: Guest Post, Musings Tagged With: Argentine Tango, Cabeceo, Milonga, San Francisco Tango, SF Tango, Tango dancing, Tanguera Escondida

Tango scenes in SF

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Celebrate #bayareatango community, support everyone involved & share ♥️ of #tango with San Francisco Bay Area and beyond.

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🧨 New year, new beginnings! One happened yester 🧨 New year, new beginnings! One happened yesterday at @thetangodome – first Women's Gathering hosted by @ayano.yoneda.tango, including folks who identify as women.

Part clothing & shoe swap, and part cultivating a safe space to be vulnerable, be generous, be supportive, and be real with each other.

Looking forward to more of this and building a community that keeps involving what tango events can be beyond the dance! 🙌 
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#tango #argentinetango #tangoargentino #tangolovers #womenintango #bayareatango #sisterhood #beyondthedance
As the year-end approaches, many SF local tango ev As the year-end approaches, many SF local tango events have had or will have their last event of 2022 to wrap things up. This year's last Milonga Rubia al Sur happened this past Sunday, Dec 18 with DJ @ayano.yoneda.tango and special performance with visiting artist, @martinalmironartist, and milonga host, Lisette @passion4tango. 

With the holidays coming up and Argentina winning the world cup, dancing tango all night long around Lisette's very own flower arrangements was just the appropriate celebration people needed.

Hosted by Lisette Perelle, Milonga Rubia is held every 1st & 3rd Sunday of the month, with current location at Just Dance Ballroom (2500 Embarcadero) in Oakland and a different DJ for each event.

✨ Fun fact - how Milonga Rubia got its name... ✨

Lisette's Argentine friends have always been calling her 'Rubia' because of her blonde hair. One day about 6 years ago, when she was discussing naming this new milonga with @julian_tangosf, he said, “Why not just call it Milonga Rubia?" That's how Milonga Rubia got its name! The event once was in a venue in Emeryville/Richmond. Once Lisette changed venues to a more southern location (Just Dance Ballroom in Oakland), the event's name was changed to 'Milonga Rubia al Sur' accordingly.
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevent #sundayfunday #milonga #milonganight #socialdancing #bailemos #embrace #tangodancers #bayareatango #oakland #keepdancing #dancingislife #weekendrecap
Last Saturday, Saturday Dec 17, @abrazoqueertango Last Saturday, Saturday Dec 17, @abrazoqueertango hosted their Holiday Bash with performances by @mirabtango and Miranda at @tangodome, a cool art gallery and dance space at 951 62nd St in Oakland.

🏳️‍🌈 Abrazo Queer Tangois a volunteer-run organization, and after expenses, all funds are used to pay for their events and offer discounts to students and folks short on cash. To help the org break even in 2022 and fund its 2023 programs, last Saturday's event was positioned as a fundraiser with a sliding scale $20-$40 for folks to choose how they'd like to show their support, offering a sweet night of performance, community and great music in a magical location. 

Missed the event yet still would like to support Queer Tango? Donations always totally work! Please write *donation* in the comment via your favorite method:
Venmo ➡️ abrazo-tango (Karen Curtis)
Paypal ➡️ abrazoqueertango@gmail.com
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevent #specialevents #milonga #saturdayvibe #socialdancing #bailemos #embrace #tangodancers #bayareatango #queertango #oakland #keepdancing #dancingislife #weekendrecap
💫 #motivationmonday is not over yet so here is 💫 #motivationmonday is not over yet so here is a quick recap of the International Day of Tango at @greatnorthernsf last night! 💫 Milonga hosted by @julian_tangosf with DJ @loco_chung. 
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#diadeltango #tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevent #specialevents #milonga #sundayfunday #socialdancing #bailemos #embrace #tangodancers #bayareatango #sanfrancisco #keepdancing #dancingislife #weekendrecap
This Friday night in the heart of San Francisco, t This Friday night in the heart of San Francisco, tango dancers and the public who are curious art lovers had a unique experience with live music performed by local tango musicians and the strategic mix of TANGO • VALS • MILONGA • ALTERNATIVE music by DJ @jonas.aqui of @jxtango at @drawingroomsf_annex, an art • gallery • studio in the Mission district – a free event by the collaboration of @chetangosf, @drawingroomsf and @artistmigration. 

Artists featured:
Sumi Lee (piano) @sfsumi
J Ramada (bass)
Basma Edrees (violin) @basmaedreesviolin
Verónica Freidkes (vocal) @veroverofreidkes

Check out our stories and story highlights for snippets of the performances and tango dancing around art pieces!
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❣️ about Che! Tango SF❣️

All events created by Ramada Salieri and Elaine Chiu are dedicated to providing an inclusive and friendly dancing and learning environment in San Francisco and the Bay Area regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, or any other characteristic or trait.

ONGOING EVENTS
Che! Milonga: Every 1st and 2nd Saturday of the month 
Che! Música + Milonga: Once every quarter on a 2nd Saturday
Milonga Uno: 3rd Saturday of every other month
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❣️ about The Drawing Room SF ❣️

MISSION
The Drawing Room connects community through art to help improve the overall human condition by making art accessible and part of the daily fabric of our lives. 
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❣️about Artist Migration❣️

ANTI CAPITALIST ART
Artist-led curatorial project providing performance and exhibition opportunities to international artists.
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #concert #milonga #specialevent #onenightonly #livemusic #fridaynights #art #tangomusic #contemporarymusic #contemporarytango #womenintango #womeninmusic #artislife  #tangomusicians #musiciansofinstagram #sanfrancisco #california #bayareatango #sflovestango #jxtango
Those who came out to @tangolabruja last night had Those who came out to @tangolabruja last night had an epic evening of dancing and live music with three highly skillful tango musicians’ improvised music – Trio Tangazo, a dynamite tango trio made up of Sascha Jacobsen (bass), Seth Asarnow (piano), and Adrian Jost (bandoneon). 

~~Fun fact~~
Sascha, Seth and Adrian all performed at La Bruja previously - either with other tango ensembles or in duo - but it was the first time all three of them taking the stage together!

📍 @berkeleycityclub 
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#tango #concert #milonga #milonganight #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusic #improvisation #travelingmusician #musiciansofinstagram #california #berkeley #bayareatango #tangomusicians #tangodancers #socialdance #dancingislife #sflovestango
🥧 Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so @milongamalevaje 🥧 Tomorrow is Thanksgiving so @milongamalevaje is closed for that matter, but here is something different & fun from last Thursday 😉 with DJ @jonas.aqui, courtesy of hosts @tanguera_e, Ramada Salieri and Adolfo Caszarry.

Have a wonderful holiday everyone!
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #milonga #milonganight #tangoevent #tangoalternativo #alternativetango #tangonuevo #embrace #bailar #bailemos #socialdance #partnerdance #tangodancers #dancingislife #bayareatango #sanfrancisco #sflovestango
✨ FRIDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨ It’s been awhile sin ✨ FRIDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨

It’s been awhile since Milonga La Genesis (hosted by @julian_tangosf) has live tango music. Last night LEO TANGASSO QUARTET was in the house, featuring @leogassomusic from Montevideo, Uruguay on bandoneon,  @smurfetteshum on piano, Stella Bonilla on violin,  @digsmahler on double bass.

(🎥 @tangonnection, edited by @sflovestango)
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#tango #argentinetango #tangoargentino #specialevent #bayareatango #tangomusic #livemusic #tangomusicians #bandoneon #piano #doublebass #violin #quartet #onenightonly #milonganight #sanfrancisco #sflovestango
👏 The all-female tango ensemble, 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨, wrapped up their 2022 concert tour at @alameda_elks1015, playing for a full house of guests at the @housetango Community Milonga.

𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is a collaboration between powerhouse female tango musicians @sfsumi (piano), @heynisolera (bandoneon), and @teagbby (violin). Their concert on Sunday featured guest bassist @fabricanfabricant and vocalist @teresatam.sing.

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The mission of 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is to present contemporary Argentine tango through virtuosic artistic performance and educational events.  Sumi, Heyni, and Teagan originally bonded in Buenos Aires, drawn by a mutual love of tango music, as well as by a realization of the inequality of professional opportunity for women in the tango genre. They studied under the same maestros and performed with prestigious tango orchestras in Buenos Aires.  They now frequently perform around the world, including in their respective adopted cities of San Francisco (Sumi), Washington, DC (Heyni), and NYC (Teagan). All of the musicians also produce their own music. 
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#tango #concert #milonga #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusic #contemporarymusic #contemporarytango #womenintango #womeninmusic #travelingmusician #heynibando #tour #beautifulwomen #musiciansofinstagram #sanfrancisco #california #berkeley #oakland #bayareatango #tangomusicians
🎉 Saturday, October 22 marked the grand re-open 🎉 Saturday, October 22 marked the grand re-opening of Vecher Tango at the Russian Center of SF!

After a long pause of two and a half year, the magnificent grand ballroom was filled with tango energy again. What made the occasion extra special was the incredible performances by another visiting master couple @javierchikk & @moiracastellano. To top it off, @virginiaychristian "Los Totis" joined Javier & Moira on the floor for a mixed maestros dance!

Shout-out to our dearest friend Davood Yazdani, Julia Schiptsova of Tango Element, and all the local organizers for making this weekend feel like a mini tango festival in San Francisco!
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#tango #argentinetango #argentinetango♥️ #tangoargentino #milonganight #tangoperformance #bailar #bailemos #bailando #tangoshow #tangoevent #tangodancer #tangocouple #specialevent #onenightonly #tangophoto
✨It's a star-struck tango week in SF!!✨ @vir ✨It's a star-struck tango week in SF!!✨ 

@virginiaychristian "Los Totis" have been teaching in San Francisco (brought to you by our very own Davood Yazdani who's in collaboration with Julia Schiptsova of Tango Element!) And we were mesmerized by their fantastic performances last night at the special edition of @milongamalevaje at @verdiclubsf ! 🤩👏
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#tango #argentinetango #argentinetango♥️ #tangoargentino  #tangoperformance #bailar 
#bailemos #bailando #tangoshow  #tangoevent #tangoperformance #tangodancer #tangocouple #specialevent #onenightonly #tangophoto
💫 Exactly a year later, 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨, an all-female tango musician collaboration, has returned to the SF Bay Area!! 

Last night they took the audience on a magical journey to Buenos Aires with a concert-milonga at @tangolabruja in Berkeley. Check out our stories to see more snippets of their performance!

𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is a collaboration between powerhouse female tango musicians @sfsumi (piano), @heynisolera (bandoneon), and @teagbby (violin). The concert last night featured guest singer @veroverofreidkes.

The mission of 𝙇𝙖𝙨 𝘼𝙡𝙢𝙖𝙨 is to present contemporary Argentine tango through virtuosic artistic performance and educational events. Sumi Lee, Heyni Solera, and Teagan Faran originally bonded in Buenos Aires, drawn by a mutual love of tango music, as well as by a realization of the inequality of professional opportunity for women in the tango genre. They studied under the same maestros and performed with prestigious tango orchestras in Buenos Aires.  They now frequently perform around the world, including in their respective adopted cities of San Francisco (Sumi), Washington, DC (Heyni), and NYC (Teagan). All of the musicians also produce their own music. 

Catch them for the rest of their tour!
🔸10/20 (Thur) 10pm, World Folk Jam concert w/ ten other world music groups, Oakland
🔸10/21 (Fri) 7pm, Sebastopol Center for the Arts
🔸10/22 (Sat) 7:30pm, Sunset Music and Arts, San Francisco
🔸10/23 (Sun) 3:30pm, houseTango Community Milonga @ Alameda Elks Lodge, Alameda
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#tango #concert #milonga #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusic #contemporarymusic #contemporarytango #womenintango #womeninmusic #travelingmusician #heynibando #tour #beautifulwomen #musiciansofinstagram #sanfrancisco #california #berkeley #oakland #bayareatango
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