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Apologizing in Tango

March 28, 2015

When we are children we are told to apologize when we make a mistake or when we hurt someone.  And now as adults, it’s ingrained in us. Some of us apologize way too often, thinking it will help the situation. It doesn’t. I’m not saying that you should never apologize as there are certain circumstances in which saying “I’m sorry” is very necessary, but this should be the exception and not the rule. This may come as a surprise to some people: it’s really not necessary to apologize for every mistake you make while dancing. Most often the mistake will be small and if you don’t say anything, it may not even be noticeable to your partner and even less to those who are watching. And even if it is noticeable, just make a mental note not to do it again, and keep moving on.

ME_289_Apologies

People who perform know that if you make a mistake you cannot stop, you need to continue on as if nothing happened. The audience does not know what you intended, and if you keep moving, no one will know.

Some tango school’s of thought will say the fault is always on the leader (even when it’s not). And that’s fine too. But leader apologies should also be limited to one or two, “oops, sorry” at the most. Both the leader and follower should make a mental note of the mistake and then focus on doing it correctly next time, no matter whose “fault” it was.

We all make mistakes in dancing, even professionals and experienced dancers. A lead may not be perfect, or the follow stopped paying attention, or a quick stop was needed to escape a potential accident or you stepped on your partner’s toes. It’s important to acknowledge that this can happen to anyone, and often has little to do with dancing abilities.

It’s not always obvious when to apologize and when not to, so here are a few guidelines:

When to apologize:

  • You’ve stepped, kicked, or bumped into someone – always acknowledge this either during the dance or ideally during the break between songs, so as not to interrupt flow of the dance.
  • You’ve stepped on or hurt your partner
  • You made a very obvious mistake that disturbed the flow of the dance.

When not to apologize:

  • A miss lead or missed follow.  Just make a mental note, and keeping moving.
  • You are practicing a new move during a class or practica.  Usually a “let’s try it again”, is sufficient.
  • You have already apologized once during the dance.
  • After the tanda has ended and you mention mistakes made during the dance (especially bad).

Mistakes happen most often when you are first learning. If you in a class or just practicing, understand that this is part of the learning process. Practicing over and over again, will help you to make less mistakes in the future.

We often apologize to our partner when we want them to know that we know our mistake.  Remember to put your ego on the side and just accept that mistakes are part of learning and dancing.

When you apologize too frequently it appears that you do not have confidence in your own dance abilities. And if you don’t have confidence in yourself, it will be hard for others to have confidence in you. Wise words to consider are: “fake it until you become it“.  Faking confidence, especially in navigating milongas, can often work wonders.

These are my thoughts… what do YOU think about apologizing while dancing? 

Filed Under: Learning Tango, Musings Tagged With: apologizing, Argentine Tango, Bay Area Tango, Learning Tango, San Francisco Tango, SF Tango, Tango dancing

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✨ Vecher Tango at the Russian Center had another ✨ Vecher Tango at the Russian Center had another star-struck night!✨

@ariadnayfernando returned to San Francisco after their last visit in 2016 for @noras_tango_week.

On top of teaching all afternoon and performing four songs of their choice, they surprised us with an improvised encore to live music by Seth Asarnow (@sethasarnow on piano) and Adrian Jost (@fueyequerido on bandoneón), a first-time collaboration for the four artists altogether!! 👏👏♥️♥️🙌🙌 ¡Qué celebración del Tango!

Thank you Julia Schiptsova @juliasch999 and Davood Yazdani for bringing @ariadnanaveira and @fernet_sanz back to SF! We look forward to welcoming them back later this year in Thanksgiving. Stay tuned for details.

Check out our stories for video snippets from the amazing evening!
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That Saturday night ❤️‍🔥 when Duo Villarr That Saturday night ❤️‍🔥 when Duo Villarreal Crom, @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom joined forces with Orquesta Típico Domo at @thetangodome !🎶🎻🎸🎹🎤
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REPOSTING… because how could one resist missing REPOSTING… because how could one resist missing the standing ovation *and* an encore because earlier post got cut off due to unknown glitch🙈… Second half of part 1️⃣ the highlights from an amazing night at @thetangodome with Duo 🎸🎸 @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom ! And our very own @scottodaymusic made it a guitar trio for the encore! 
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevents #tangomusic #tangoconcert #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusicians #travelingmusicians #duo #guitarists #livemusic #argentinefolklore #contemporarytango  #bayareatango #sflovestango #oakland #weekendvibes #goodvibesonly #performanceart #tangoislife
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When Una’s laptop unexpectedly failed to connect to @thetangodome sound system, Daniel Peter’s vinyl collection and on-the-spot knowledge transfer to the rescue!! 😮🔥🧯❤️ After watching Dan just a few times dropping the needle between tracks, Una hit the track her FIRST TIME trying‼️✌️

🎥 @thetangodome 
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Part 2️⃣ from a fun Saturday night at @thetang Part 2️⃣ from a fun Saturday night at @thetangodome with Duo Villarreal Crom, featuring Tango Guitarists @juanvillarreal_13 and… Señor D'ARIENZO?! 👀🤨 Can you guess what was happening here? 😆😉
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Part 1️⃣ of the highlights from an amazing nig Part 1️⃣ of the highlights from an amazing night at @thetangodome with Duo Villarreal Crom, featuring Tango Guitarists @juanvillarreal_13 and @patriciocrom ! 💎 watch till the end to see SF’s very own guitarist @scottodaymusic joined them for an encore!

🎸ABOUT THE ARTISTS🎸
Juan Villarreal and Patricio Crom began working together in 2010 playing tangos in milongas and clubs in the city of Buenos Aires. From the beginning, the Duo Villarreal-Crom, tried to find a particular aesthetic and a unique style that they have refined with the passing of the years.

Today they are one of the most renowned duos on the tango scene in Buenos Aires and the world, having made countless tours in Latin America, Europe and the United States.

They have released 4 albums: "De corte romántico (2012)", "Cinco tonos (2015)", "En la luna de Valencia (2017)" and "D'Arienzo en guitarras (2022)". In May 2023 they will present their new album consisting entirely of original works.  In 2022, they were on the cover of the renowned German magazine "Tangodanza", the world's largest tango magazine.
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#tango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tangoevents #tangomusic #tangoconcert #specialevent #onenightonly #tangomusicians #travelingmusicians #duo #guitarists #livemusic #argentinefolklore #contemporarytango  #bayareatango #sflovestango #oakland #weekendvibes #goodvibesonly #performanceart #tangoislife
♥️ 𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩 ♥️ (link in bio🔗)

Did you know that the very first post on SF Loves Tango was published by @maikalanidesigns on 𝗔𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗹 𝟮𝟬, 𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟮? And April 21, 2019, is when the brains and hands behind SF Loves Tango changed to us, @jxtango ? We would like to celebrate these anniversaries by recapping what we’ve accomplished post-COVID and start looking ahead!
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#bayareatango #tangoargentino #argentinetango #tango #tangocommunity #sanfrancisco #sflovestango #dancingislife #tangostories #beyondthedance
👋 Many of you know @aviksbasu and Mitra Martin 👋 Many of you know @aviksbasu and Mitra Martin as accomplished tango dancers and teachers. But did you know they are also professional researchers with curiosity and interest to understand tango better?

Check out this cool new research project they are working on: the 𝗧𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗼 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗲𝘆! (link in bio 🔗)

⏳ It takes about 20-30 minutes to answer some intriguing (anonymous) questions about what you experience as you dance - mental talk, images, sensations, etc.

🎯 Fill it out today and help them reach their goal of 1000 participants by April 30th! They’ll gather neat data to create more empathy and understanding and help the community grow.
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✨SATURDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨ Che! Milonga is a con ✨SATURDAY NIGHT TANGO ✨

Che! Milonga is a conventional 4.5-hour long milonga with a cozy and casual vibe that happens on 1st and 2nd Saturday of the month at La Pista Tango Studio. 

Tucked away among storage and industrial spaces for local businesses, La Pista is a dedicated tango studio frequently used for classes and workshops. With lighting, seating, wall projection, and table decoration arrangements, our beloved hosts, Ramada and @tanguera_e , put thoughtful touches that give the space a nightclub ambiance.

Check out our February story drop featuring @che_tango_sf (sflovestango.com/che-tango-sf/) and tomorrow, Saturday, April 8, is your chance to dance at their Che Milonga with DJ @kostas_aretos ! 

📸 from Che Milonga on Saturday, April 1st with DJ @ayano.yoneda.tango 
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❤️ 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩 ❤️
Women's History Month is almost over, but celebrating the impact of women is today and every day! 

Remember the Women's Gathering hosted by @ayano.yoneda.tango in the beginning of this year? Are you curious about the 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 and 𝙬𝙝𝙮 behind these events? 
"𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 – 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳-𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 – 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴, 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳." – Ayano Yoneda

More in our latest story drop (🔗 link in bio)!
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